Newsletter November 2008
November 5, 2008

Welcome to the November, 2008 edition of "How to Succeed in School," the A+ Home Tutors Newsletter.

We strive to bring you the most helpful and up to date information every month, and this month's newsletter is no exception. You can scroll down through the articles below, or you can click on a headline you like to go directly to that article.

This Month's Headlines:
A Better Way to Talk to Children About Report Cards

Tips for Raising a Moral Child

Simplifying College Applications

Recognizing Child Depression

A Better Way to Talk to Children About Report Cards

By now children have received their first report card of the year. For some students, this is a dreaded moment, as they know they didn’t achieve the grades they or their parents expected. While many parents use the arrival of the report card as a key intro to a long speech about their child’s school performance, many child experts now warn that this may not be the best strategy.

Turning the Tables
When children first show their report card to parents, they are waiting for their parents’ response—whether it is approval, disappointment or even a bit of indifference. But this moment offers an important opportunity to turn the tables back to the student. Instead of immediately launching into praise or lecture, let your child tell you if he or she is happy with the results. This puts the power and motivation to do better or continue to succeed in your child’s hands and lets him or her know that their feelings about school are important.

Start the Conversation
The best way to explore your child’s feelings about her grades is to ask questions that require more than a yes or no answer. Instead of, “Are you happy with your grades?” try something like, “Which grade are you the most proud of?” or “Which class were you expecting to do better in?” These kinds of questions open the door for conversations about your child’s real feelings about her performance, successes and frustrations in school.

Teacher Feedback
The same goes for any troubling teacher comments. If the teacher says your child has difficulty focusing, instead of arguing and nagging your child about his inability to sit still, ask if he agrees with the teacher and what might help him fix this problem.

All in the Details
Give concrete encouragement. If your child worked especially hard in science, tell him it must be because of all his hard work and that you are proud of him. If your child’s math grade is low, let her know you want to hear about her specific struggles with math and find a way to help her bring that grade back up.

Even A-Students Need Praise
Report card time can be a mixed blessing for those students who come home with straight A’s. Chances are the student knows the report card will be full of good comments and grades, and most often, the parent knows to expect the same. But a simple “Great job” can sometimes leave your child feeling disappointed about your enthusiasm. Instead, remind children how they achieved all those A’s through hard work, and that they should feel proud that their efforts paid off in the end. Again, this keeps the power and drive to succeed in their hands and helps them realize they are in charge of their learning too.

Focus on the Positive
Lastly, but most importantly, is to focus on the positive. If you react negatively to your children’s report card, it won’t help them realize they are capable of doing better. And, it will just make them reluctant to ask your advice or help later on in the future. Instead, let your child know that his or her report card is just a measure of his or her performance and does not mean that he or she is not a smart and loved child.
Tutoring is always a great way to help students build self-esteem and confidence in tough subject matters. Sometimes all a student needs to get back on track is a little extra attention to help him or her build a better foundation for class material and tests. If your child is stressed about low grades, let him or her know that you can help, and that this shouldn’t keep him or her from trying harder. Making a plan helps everyone feel confident in a child’s ability to succeed, and our tutors at A+ can help you and your child set out a clear and tailored plan of attack that fits the child’s specific needs.

Source: Brown, Skila. “Talking Over Your Child’s Report Card,” education.com.

Tips for Raising a Moral Child

We try hard as parents to teach our children how to succeed in school and value a good education. This can be a difficult task on its own, but even harder to teach are less concrete lessons, like teaching children good habits, beliefs and morals. Dr. Michele Borba, Ed.D. tackles this important topic in her book Building Moral Intelligence: The Seven Essential Virtues that Teach Kids to Do the Right Thing. Here are a couple of her tips.

Set a Strong Example
Children learn from their parents first and foremost, even in those moments when we don’t realize it. Be sure you are demonstrating good examples to your children when it comes to morals. Honestly ask yourself what lessons your child would learn if they were only watching your behavior. Try to be objective and recognize the places where you might need a little work.

Know and Share Your Beliefs
Aside from some very basic rules, morality can mean different things for many different people. If you want your child to be clear on their moral boundaries, make sure you are clear on your own. This is especially important the older children get, because they are constantly bombarded with moral lessons and trials from movies, newspapers, TV, and peers. All of these offer great opportunities to discuss what you feel and explain why you feel the way you do.

Moral Moments
Some of the best moments to test morals are the unexpected ones. When tough topics or situations come up, don’t shy away from talking about them. Use these important events as moments to build your child’s own moral foundation.

Disciplining for Morality
Discipline is important because in addition to showing a child why his or her behavior was wrong, it also helps children understand how to behave better the next time. When your child does something you feel is not fair, kind or understanding, ask them to reflect on what they did and how it might hurt another person. Point out how their harsh comment made another child cry, or how excluding someone from a game might hurt that child’s self-esteem. Help your child imagine what it feels like to be on the receiving end of the action or statement. Doing this helps children understand and hone their own moral judgments for those times when you are not there to guide them.

Make Morality a Priority
Children learn best about morality from positive action. Instead of just talking, encourage your children to do things of service based on their morals, such as making donations, volunteering, or giving extra attention to a friend in need. Keep in mind it’s important to acknowledge and praise these behaviors so children can see the real positive results of their actions. The more you do this, the more it will become part of their second nature to act with good moral judgment.

The Age Old Golden Rule
There’s a reason people still talk about the Golden Rule—it’s a good one. As cliché as it may sound, having your child remember to: “Treat others as you would like to be treated” is one of the simplest ways to examine moral dilemmas from all angles. And, remember to abide by the rule yourself so you are always setting a good example.

Source: Borba, Michele. “Building Moral Intelligence: 10 Tips for Raising Moral Kids,” a-better-child.org.

Simplifying College Applications

The truth is that colleges receive far more applications than the amount of students they can admit. And, the more competitive the school of your choice is, the more likely it is that the odds of being accepted become tougher. For example, of the 22,955 applications Harvard received in 2007, only 2,058 applicants were accepted. The good news is you can make your college application stand out from the crowd of other hopeful students. The key to this is crafting a refined and organized application.

Marketing 101
Your college application is a little like an advertisement, and the product you are selling is you. Applications include transcripts, recommendation letters, an essay and your test scores. This serves as your overall profile, and the admissions office will form their opinions on you based on this package. Here are a couple of tips to make your application a stand out example.

Know Your Target Audience
Just like in marketing, it is important to know what the customer—or in this case, the admissions office—is looking for. Competitive schools often look beyond GPAs and SAT scores. Do your research and find out what your school of choice looks for as far as grades, community work, leadership and extracurricular activities. Visiting the school can be one of the best ways to learn more about the college, as well as obtaining admissions materials and brochures.

Get Organized
Do yourself a favor and collect all relevant materials in one place. Make a list of each school you are interested in and take note of: application deadline, standard forms, scores, transcripts, and essay requirements. For your letter of recommendation, note the deadline, who will write your recommendation and the number you will need. You want the best recommendation possible so be sure you ask someone who knows you and your skills well. Tell the recommender why you want to attend this school and provide them with your deadline, important information such as your name, address, email, home and cell phone numbers. Give your recommender two or more copies of the forms in case mistakes are made. Provide a stamped and addressed envelope, a copy of your completed application form and essay/s, resume (if applicable) and list of achievements and activities. It is helpful to provide them with a brochure or pamphlet about the particular school. Send the recommender a thank you note once you are admitted.

Show You are Well-Rounded
Your essay is a big factor in your application. Make sure you write a detailed one, describing why you want to attend the school and what you have to offer the college. Stay true to your voice by being sincere and don’t plead or beg.
Bring attention to any interesting facts about you—including grades, test scores, activities, et cetera. This, combined with a well-written essay and organized application, will give you a great chance of being accepted, or even receiving scholarship or grant-based financial aid. Aim for your dreams, but stay focused and organized to produce your best application.

Source: Blankenship, Ross, “College Applications – Simplified!,” education.com.

Recognizing Child Depression

Depression is an important issue that can affect children as well as adults. Depression symptoms can mimic those found in adults, but depression can also manifest itself differently in young children. It is normal for children to feel sad but if you suspect there is something more going on with your child it is important to give them the attention they need.

Here are a few warning symptoms that your child may be depressed and in need of some help:
Depressed, angry or irritable mood; fatigue; difficulty concentrating; feeling worthless; trouble sleeping; change in appetite; withdrawal or loss of interest in favorite activities; restlessness; thoughts of suicide.

Generally there are two types of depression—major depression lasting two or more weeks, and chronic dysthymic disorder where a depressed mood lasts a year or longer and is often mistaken for the child’s personality.

Any child can suffer from depression, and the statistics show the likelihood increases with age. Depression often stems from a chemical imbalance that can run in the family. It is important to stay involved in your children’s lives, so you can recognize when they are struggling through normal growing pains or more serious conditions that may require you to seek professional help.

Source: Gurian, Anita and Robin Goodman, “About Depressive Disorders,” NYU Child Study Center, aboutourkids.org.