Newsletter August 2010
August 22, 2010
_______________________________________________

We strive to bring you the most helpful and up to date information every month, and this month's newsletter is no exception.
You can scroll down through the articles below, or you can click on a headline you like to go directly to that article.

_______________________________________________

This Month's Headlines:

What’s Behind Back to School Anxiety
Back to School Planning
Stay Connected in Middle School
_______________________________________________

What’s Behind Back to School Anxiety

As the summer winds down and comes to an end, no doubt you and your child are looking ahead to a new school year. While the end of summer is always met with some disappointment, some students may feel more than the usual anxiety about the year ahead of them.

In order for parents to help support their children in these situations, it’s helpful to understand what it is about a new school year that makes your child feel nervous or unsure.

Here are some of the top issues that concern students:

Change is difficult
Even adults know that with change can come discomfort. For kids, it’s no different. A majority of the anxiety students face when returning to school simply comes from the fact that they will be in a new classroom, with a new teacher, new assignments and new expectations. It’s normal to be nervous with this kind of uncertainty, and you can help your child by talking about their first day and what it will be like. When children, and adults, know what to expect, it’s easier to feel prepared and calm about the new situation. Remind them that last year they were nervous too, and soon enough were right in the swing of things. It may also be nice to plan to have some extra time available to spend with your child the first week or two of school, incase he or she is having a hard time with the transition.

Social Anxiety
This is another big one for students—feeling nervous about they way they will be perceived by their peers. Maybe your child’s friend is now in a different class, or she is worried she doesn’t know as many people in class as they did in previous years. New social situations can be awkward or scary for kids, but talking with them about
ways to make friends, to address and solve conflicts, and to not be afraid to face social situations goes a long way to making them more comfortable and outgoing.

Stress
The stress children can feel when going back to school is often based on this recurring sense of uncertainty. Many students get nervous when they feel unorganized or ill prepared for a new classroom and new expectations. Helping your child be organized and have the proper back to school supplies can ease their worries and help them adapt quickly and comfortably to a new routine. You can also help by listening to your child’s concerns and helping them find a solution that works best for them.

Making the Team
Your child may want to join a sports team, theater group, chorus or other activity. It’s great to encourage your child to pursue creative goals and outlets, but they also need to know that it’s okay if they don’t succeed every time. Let them know that you support them and love them whether they make the team or not. Getting used to rejection is a part of life, and children who understand that they can’t always be the best in everything are one step further toward a healthy, balanced future.

Peer Pressure and Bullying
This is a tough one, as children can be cruel to each other. Kids want to feel like they fit in and often worry about being picked on or pressured to act, dress or think a certain way. It’s important to be there for your child in tough situations like these, but experts warn to not try to fix the situation for them. Children need to understand that parents are there for them when they need them, but that often they have to take action themselves to make a change for the better. Explain to your child tactics for handling bullies, rather than falling into the same patterns themselves as a defense mechanism. Doing their best to ignore mean comments, walking away from the situation and getting an adult are all appropriate solutions.

Failure
Anxiety about failure can be a big source of stress for new students. Given the changes in their classroom, textbooks, teachers, and assignments, many students can psyche themselves out before they even get started learning. Talk to your child and figure out what is worrying them. Is it test anxiety? Concern about grades? Feeling behind in certain subjects? There’s often a short period of catch up at the beginning of the year to refresh students and get them up to speed. If your child is struggling, consider tutoring to give them an extra edge and a boost of confidence. Simple review sessions can go a long way to building confidence that sets students up for a successful year.

Milne, Diane. “10 Things That Make Kids Anxious About School.” education.com.

_______________________________________________

Back to School Planning

Now that we better understand why kids feel stressed and nervous when returning to school, we can do things to help them be better prepared. Here is a list, courtesy of the National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC), of ways to help your child begin the year with a strong foundation.

Pre-planning
Part of the transition of back to school is the transition from a freer, more flexible schedule to a rigid one. One of the hardest parts is getting used to the new wake up time. It’s a good idea to start having your child wake up earlier a few days to a week prior to school starting. This helps them get into a routine and keeps them from feeling groggy, crabby or unclear on the first day of school. It can also be helpful to talk with your child about what to expect, particularly those who are entering into middle school or high school for their first year, or transferring to a new school entirely. If you can, bring them to school to see the classroom, hallways, etc., so they have a better visual picture of what to expect. Some schools also allow students to come meet the teacher beforehand, which is also a great idea.

Get Them Involved
Children respond well to involvement and responsibility. If you allow your child to take part in the back to school transition it can help them feel more excited about the change, rather than feeling like they are being forced to return to school against their will. Let them pick out new, appropriate, school supplies, decide what they want to wear and other small elements. They can help you pack their lunch, or lay out their clothes and backpack for the big day. This helps them feel in control of the situation, which in turn makes them feel more comfortable with the coming change.

Talk it Out
Encourage your child to talk to you about any anxiety or stress they are feeling. Sometimes just explaining our concerns helps us realize things are not as bad as we imagine them to be. Be honest, but gentle about the changes, so your child is as prepared as possible. Some children will be emotional about leaving their parents, which is common, and can be hard for the parent to see. Be firm, and let your child know that you will be there before and after school, and that they will be in good hands. If you are feeling upset or concerned about your child, do your best to hide those feelings—they will just add to your child’s worries. It can be hard for parents to part with children too! Stay calm, happy and positive about the change and it will be easier for your child to do the same.

Be There
This follows the concept above—try to have the schedules worked out so your child knows exactly who will be picking him or her up and when. This helps your child feel confident that no matter how tough he finds the first few days of school, you, your spouse, a family member or friend will be there to pick them up on time. It’s one less thing for them to worry about, and reiterates that you are there to support them in difficult or uncomfortable situations.

Source: “Tips for Easy Back-to-School Transitions.” naeyc.org.

_______________________________________________

Stay Connected in Middle School

Some students may be facing the exciting, but possibly scary, transition into middle school. This can be a time of big change for a student, not only with a new teacher, classroom, set of classmates and possibly new building, but also with the less tangible changes.

Parents are often heavily involved in school activities with their elementary-aged children. Attending field trips, helping with homework and other projects—it was an easy way to stay connected with your child while also helping out the teacher and school. In the transition to middle school, parents often start to play less of a direct role in the
student’s life. Students become more independent, and may not love having mom and dad around quite as much. This transition can be hard for parents, as they have to rework their ways of fostering a relationship with their child that allows him or her to have more responsibility and freedom to express themselves.

Nancy E. Hill, PhD, is a developmental psychologist and Harvard University professor. Hill reviewed 50 studies on parental involvement over 21 years to help discern what kind of involvement is most beneficial for students of middle school age. One of the most important findings of this large study was that discussing the link between school and a child’s future has a direct correlation to their achievement.

Hill refers to “academic socialization” as the core element in student’s success. What this means is talking about expectations, tying schoolwork into current events, encouraging goals, creating new learning strategies, and finally, looking ahead to the future. Hill claims when parents talk about educational expectations, teens better understand the value of school and are more likely to apply themselves and understand the material.

The study also revealed interesting findings when it comes to homework. Help with homework takes a backseat in academic socialization. Hill explains, “Based on our focus groups with middle school aged teens and their parents and teachers, we found that teens want assistance with organization, reminders about when assignments are due,
and with identifying resources to assist them with their assignments.” These strategies, Hill says, help students be independent and responsible for their own education.

Hill cautions that parents may approach a subject differently than the way it was taught in class. While their help is well-intentioned, it may counteract what the child learned or what the teacher is looking for as proof of a basic understanding, adding to the child’s confusion or frustration. Moreover, parents who appear to be micromanaging
can send the wrong message to students, undercutting their sense of self-sufficiency and responsibility with homework and other assignments. Parents need to carefully examine the way they are helping their child and be honest about whether it’s actually helping in the long run.

According to Hill, parents can effectively stay involved by providing a good studying environment, and making sure students understand expectations about finishing their homework or assignments. Parents can still be involved in school activities and communicate with teachers, but in a way that encourages middle school students to take
responsibility too. Parents may also have to get used to knowing less about a child’s school performance, as students may be less open and willing to talk about their days in adolescence. It’s important to stay involved though, and be sure to find ways to help if your child is struggling. This can be tough to navigate, but talking about the importance of education is always a great place to start. Keep the lines of communication open as best as you can—typically children who had good communication with parents in elementary school are more able to maintain this connection in middle school. Talking about what your children struggle with or excel in helps them develop a better sense of themselves, their skills and the areas where they may need extra focus or help.

It can be difficult to get used to a new sort of relationship with your middle school student, but by finding a healthy balance of involvement, encouragement, and allowing your child to take more initiative will help him or her be more successful in school, and other aspects of life in general.

Source: Semeria, Joan. “Parenting a Middle Schooler: How to Stay Involved.” education.com.

_______________________________________________