Motivating Students

How Can We Motivate Our Kids?

Motivation is the reason we do anything. Even walking down the street, there is a motivation behind it. It may be that you need something at the store, or that you need to ask the neighbor a question, or the dog needs to answer the call of nature. Even getting fresh air or getting away from someone inside the house is a motivation.

Must and Should get in the way

It is easy for us to do what we are motivated to do. When we want to do something, we don't even have to think about why we are doing it, we just do it. Where motivation gets tricky is when we don't want to do what we either must do, or what we feel (or others feel) we should do. And this describes the situation of most unmotivated kids in school.

Unmotivated kids often feel powerless

Kids don't really have a say in what their days look like. The only power they have is over how they feel about it. The students who feel mostly positive about it, are generally pretty motivated. Those who feel pretty negative about it are usually not so motivated. So the child who doesn't like school is generally the one who struggles with motivation.

Mentoring time with adults is important

The main thing that helps kids who are unmotivated is time spent with adults who they look up to. Options one and two are mom and dad. Quality time spent with mom and dad, without pressures or expectations is key. The child needs to know that he is loved unconditionally, and that he has two people in his corner supporting him. Problems often creep in when parents start to worry, get frustrated, or get angry at their children for not fulfilling expectations. Obviously, it is hard not to get angry with kids sometimes, but kids have to know that you believe in them, even if they are not necessarily taking the path that you think is right for them.

Tutors, teachers and other mentors can help

This is where tutors and other outside mentors are helpful. They can take stock of the situation worry free, and give help that is not weighted down by missed expectations and broken promises. The student often can start to flourish in situations where the right tutor or teacher gets involved in their lives, because it can turn on the creative juices that have been turned off for a while.

Focus is power

For the mildly unmotivated (those that aren't angry or completely turned off) it may be beneficial to talk to them about choosing their focus. Talk to your child about the choices she does have. Suggest things she could focus on that will help her get through the day positively. Help her understand that the better she feels about what she is accomplishing in school, the better she will feel about doing the things she likes to do.

Quality time is important (at risk of sounding redundant)

When kids are really unmotivated, and have been for some time, then it is essential to sit down with them and really find out what is going on. This may take time, because as kids learn that they really don't have a say in what they do all day, they get really good at hiding their true feelings and ideas, even from themselves. So, don't expect your kid to open up on day one. Just make time to be there for your child, and give him plenty of opportunities to tell you what is on his mind.

Are your expectations making it worse?

Nothing is worse than not wanting to do something and knowing that the people you care about most, your parents, want you to do it. This forces a choice: do what my parents want me to do, making them happy, or do what I want to do and make myself happy. Nobody in their heart of hearts really wants to fail, but not everyone has the motivation to succeed equally at everything. People have strengths and weaknesses, passions and things they dislike doing. If your child is having issues with motivation, it is important for you to keep your expectations in check so that you can get an accurate picture of what is going on with your child. Also, you may want to revisit what you expect of your child from time to time, and ask yourself if you are applying too much pressure.